Beep-beep, beep-beep (muffled sound of alarm goes off) I lifted my head and looked through my messy desk for the phone, tripped it, and put my head back down over my folded hands on the desk. It was 04:38 AM. I had barely slept overnight. Sleepless nights and mindless overthinking were usual these days. I was ramming through notes and books, struggling to grasp anything.
picture credits: pinterest
It's been 1040 days since the last time I heard
her voice. 641 days since I saw her face, why I'm still thinking about the
thing that had ended a long time ago. I think I moved on, but I'm uncertain did
I really moved on? My first break-up. It's not that I was dying to achieve it,
I just didn’t realize it would happen to me. I guess nobody does. I realize
she’s not here. Never will be again. At that instant, it felt like all the
oxygen has been sucked from my surrounding. I struggled to breathe. my eyes got
watery. I didn’t know break-up would be so easy for her and so disastrous for
me. I still can’t believe it. For her, it was like wishing good morning over
the phone. For me, it has been my worst nightmare. She doesn’t want to hear my
voice or see me? What does she think of me now? I don’t know. Rather, I don’t
want to know. My heart can only take so much. But I’m still holding on to
memories. They are all I have of her. Sweet as well as bitter memories. She’s
doing pretty well I guess. Why not me? Why am I writing this? Questions I have
no answer, Sigh. I still remember the moment when we met. I remember the smile
she had. It all began in the back of our class when the first time our eyes
met; my heart pounded like never before. I was just 16, but I fell so hard.
days went by, we got closer and she held my heart. Months passed but, her love
ran dry and we fell apart. I felt her growing distant. I knew her love was
shifting.
picture credits: pinterest
Everything I was scared to happen
happened. Don't tell me that it's over,
the book of me and you. You've erased out my name and so my favorite lines.
There were so many chapters that we never got to write. I remember how we
started, I remember how you looked and how we used to stroll around the campus.
But now I'm missing pieces from the pages that you took. I'll forever wonder
why we never got to finish the book of me and you.
I got up and sat straight on my chair. took out my diary and a pen from the cabinet below. I turned pages, everything I had written over these years passed before my eyes, I started writing about how I wished you'd stayed. I wrote all the things that I never got to say, like how you were a beautiful disaster to me and how I wanted to end our book. Soon a tear joined the ink on the paper. Neither the paper nor my feelings stayed dry anymore. I imagined every single line. I imagine her smiling face, it made me smile and my heartfelt lighter. but it all last only for few moments because soon after I was overcome with the gut-wrenching pain of knowing that that's never gonna happen. maybe when it's all done, I feel okay. I had to move on, her chapter in my book is over. It'll forever be one of my favorites, but I can't keep re-reading it hoping for a different ending. It's now quarter past 5. I got up from the chair, went to the washroom, and splashed some water on my face while determining to myself that maybe I'll not able to forget her. but also, I'll never let her keep me from living my life fullest. I never regrated loving her but, I don't want to be seated in the same place thinking and crying over the things that don't count anymore.
I tied my shoelaces and stepped out to
restart my life with a smile on my face and grace in my walk.
Thank you so much for reading till here. hopefully, you've enjoyed it. stay safe guys:)
No comments:
Post a Comment